Born to be Down

I tried to quit EVE. It didn't work. I got fed up with a lot of things and unsubbed my accounts. However I had unfinished business. I had the rest of the Archons to build. I bought the materials to build six Archons and two Chimeras (along with the Chimera BPO). This was my first go at building cap ships were I was entirely self-sufficient. In my previous runs I had relied on on Parasoja (of EVE Fail Posting) for help on the hauling. This time it was all me. I didn't go from all of the minerals in Jita 4-4 to magically having them in my corp hangar. I had to buy, haul, compress, move, decompress, and start building. It was a learning experience, to say the least. Plus a bit of excitement when I jumped my freighter into a trap on the low-sec gate. Fortunately, despite some clumsiness on my part, the freighter and the webbing Rapier both got away unharmed. I think they were surprised as me.

Once I decided to finish the build project, I got myself involved in some more things while I was waiting. Put an alt in FW, did some more RVB, and started building some capital ship rigs. Then I decided it was time to get my main character back in the good graces of CONCORD, but not before I gave some "you need to fly a tanked mining barge" lessons to some rock-murderers. Unfortunately, this would come to bite me in the ass later, when I forgot about my kill rights. Well, I didn't really forget, when you have been playing as long as me, you start to get cocky and think "it will never happen to me." It will. Overconfidence is a problem sometimes. I know what can get me killed, but 

But, I'm still frustrated. I really want to PVP, and I want to do it in a fun, but organized group. Right now my PVP is mostly solo and nearly all frustrating. I roam for hours at a time and can barely ever find fights. Well, fights I can win (my little T1 frigate against your 2 destroyers and an Assault Frigate? no thanks...). Usually, here is my pattern: Fit a nice ship, kill some cheap meaningless shit (<10M ISK ships, cyno frigs), then get blown up, usually by a gate camp or something else equally shameful. Quite frankly I'm amazed my ISK efficiency is more than 50%. When I look at my killboard I often wish my kills were my losses and vice versa. I want to be able to fly nicely fit Taloses or battleships or HACs. But when I do put one together it dies horribly. I don't know that I've ever refilled the ammo on a PVP ship. That's sad. I would spend ISK on better ships, but I would like to do it somewhere where it makes a difference. 

Anyone looking for the services of a pilot with 80M+ SP that can fly every subcap ship (except blops, marauder and command ships) with full T2 fittings? I have done wormholes, incursions, high sec industry and missions, low sec pirating, null sec foot soldier. Pretty much everything. The only things I know for sure I haven't done is reaction farms and boosters.